Sex talk without accounts
Did you feel your relationship with your cousin was consensual?
At the time, I would’ve told you that relationship was completely consensual. I would’ve said, “Yeah, I’m 14, but I’m really smart. And it’s normal that 25-year-old men would want me to be their boyfriend because I’m a grown-up.” Okay, so you are walking with Kevin. He was kind of in high seduction mode and gave me his phone number and asked me to call him. A little drunk with it and very delighted with the attention.
He was forgiven by my family and kind of invited back into the fold.
My mother told him [to stay away from me]: “If you touch [him], I’ll kill you.” But then I start sleeping over at his house and wearing his clothes, and that goes on really for a year before anybody asks me any questions. They protect them and they create spaces for them like training wheels where they can begin to get ready.
One of the questions she asked in the first few days was if they should have joint accounts at the bank. Plus you might have to change your spending habits. They don’t like the idea of their spouse being able to keep tabs on their spending.
You have to move your accounts, contact the banks and get your new spouse added.
I’m very caught up in the drama, and it’s now early winter. He was in a different apartment, also on the Upper West Side, and I called him from a pay phone, like you used to do, and said, “I’m close by. ” I had like 15 minutes before I had to meet my parents and some family friends for dinner. And at the last minute I call him and say, “Why didn’t you ever call me? When do I start to think of him as a sexual predator? That whole year I was 25, I tried to just see the ones who were like six-foot-two, and 200 pounds — they all looked like children. And then, if you’re interested in sexual predation, you start to read about it, and you realize all these patterns and techniques, and it all kind of falls within a set of practices.
He told me to come over, and I went to the apartment. I guess he must have come up behind me and yanked down my baggy jeans, and he goes to fuck me and I’m like, “No, I don’t want to.” And he pushes hard, and grabs me, and starts shoving up against my asshole, and it hurts like a motherfucker. I am strong enough, thank God, both somewhere in my brain and in my body, to get him off of me. I throw him off of me and I run crying down the stairs and out into the street and then suck it all up and go have dinner. They all looked like somebody who was 10 years old four years ago.
There was no grooming or attention like “Let’s go out for an ice cream.” Was there ever any gossip around the students about him? But my cousin had sexually abused my older brother when my brother was 11 and he was 17 or 18. The low-level guilt that I’ve kind of carried all this time of knowing, in my brain, that these people repeat offend. “I have worked really hard to have a nice life and feel safe, and I’m not giving that up for him,” he told me, sitting outside on a park bench.“I don’t want them to be able to find their way back to me.” He first met Spacey in 1981, when the actor was a guest teacher at a weekend acting class he took in Westchester County; he was then a 12-year-old student.Spacey was 22 and working in the New York theater scene.They met again by chance in line at Shakespeare in the Park in 1983, when the student was 14 years old; Spacey had made his Broadway debut in Henrik Ibsen’s The former student came forward, he says, because he was enraged at Spacey’s response to Rapp’s story.